Gaijin

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife. In 525,600 minutes - how do you measure a year in the life?

Or, you can measure a year in blog posts.

Although writing has not been my main activity in the last few months, it has always been on top of my mind.
It’s like exercise, a diet or quitting smoking - one knows it should happen some day, but never gets the courage to get started.

Until one day, for some reasons or for none, it happens - one suddenly changes, and becomes aware that what has to be done just has to be done.
In my case, it’s so many reasons I couldn’t even list them here. All I know is that I have been reporting this post from one day to another, waiting for “this story” to get to a reasonable end before putting it on paper. Well, on screen. But there is no end, and there is no “this story” for all that matters. There is a year. Twelve months, three hundred and sixty-five days, 525 600 minutes, that are going to matter.

There will be places, in this year. It may well be Brazil, and it may well not - I don’t know right now, and I do not even know when I’ll finally know. So what? It may as well be some other country, and it does not matter after all. What matters is that I’m going to measure this year in blog posts - as a unit of my urge to write.

I could start describing my hotel - a few minutes’ walk from my office in Paris.
Yes, I am living at a hotel right now. It’s a long story, one that I have missed the opportunity to write, one that has brought me to spend my nights in an old-fashioned, tiny hotel just opposite my favourite bar.

Quite a narrow universe, these days: work, sleep, food&beer all in a ridiculously small area - less than a cigarette, door to door. Cigarettes are a good unit to measure time, too.

And yes, I do happen to smoke a little more than usual these days. I will take care of that once I have understood which country I’m sleeping in next week, but not right now.

Right now, there is so much I would like to say, so much going on in my head - yet I do not know where to start.
Frustration. Anger. Helplessness. Outrage. Hope. Despair.
I am living all that because of a bunch of morons not doing their job.
I am working for the best, most efficient company ever, yet I am enslaved by a bunch of morons.
Who are going home every night. They are. I’m not. But they are wrong. I’m not. How unfair is that?
Countless people have said they are sorry, that it’s a pity, that what I am getting right now is unfair.
Yet nothing has changed. Why?

Is it worth it?
How long is it reasonable and acceptable for me to wait, before I get over it and look for something else?
How much is a day in my life worth?

Oh, I know how much, from their accounting perspective. A few thousand euros, if I bill it to a client.
Only, that’s one of my working days.
How much is a day in my life worth?

Are you sleeping through the night?
Do you have someone to hold you tight?
Do you have someone to hang out with?
Do you have someone to hug and kiss you?
No. Not really.

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 7th, 2008 at 7:34 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.